I have been thinking how much we spend on bike security every single year : - new disc locks, armoured locks, garage alarms, ground anchors - they quickly become obsolete with new bike thieving techniques. Smart water, microdot, datatag, alarms, immobilisers, paging systems, chains cables & padlocks - its mindboggling.

So thought it would be a good idea if all the bike thieving scum in this country joined up to form some sort of association. Every UK biker would have to pay about £20 each year into this association, it would reap a lot of money - but in return they must promise not to nick our bikes! Brilliant.

For a start we would all be financially better off, you would never lose bike keys - just leave them in the ignition, every year watch your insurance premium plummet. No more having to lug the latest German hardware around with us, no more buying a ringer, no more riding off with your disc lock still on, no more that dreaded sickening feeling of your bike not being where you left it.

All that for £20 a year,

I’m in.

P.S. if it all went wrong, we would still have access to all their names & addresses, so...pass me the meat hook & chainsaw - retribution is a cumin’