There’s no shortage of subjects to moan about this time, ranging from the new website to an outbreak of political correctness and rumours of risk assessments. Oh yes, and there has been an attempt to lowside the Grumpy Old Biker - more on that later.

Let’s get the political correctness nonsense out of the way first. Why, all of a sudden, according to the website, do we suddenly have a Chairperson? I do not recall voting for a chairperson at the AGM but I do recall voting for a Chairman. Furthermore, the June magazine contains the “Chairman’s Chat” and lists the position of Chairman under Officers. This sort of PC nonsense makes the Grumpy Old Biker’s anaemic blood boil. Why on earth are we tinkering with this sort of thing, wasting energy when we have much more important things to do like risk assessments.

Pleeeeeeease,we are a bunch of sad old bikers who want to have fun riding our bikes;we want to go out in all weathers and share (exaggerated) stories at the next tea stop. If we have to complete risk assessments for everything we do (presumably including what used to be referred to as “social” runs) then the Grumpy Old Biker is going to lose the will to live and buy that ticket to Switzerland.

Ok, now for the website. What on earth was that dreadful noise when you visit www.solent-advanced-motorcyclists.co.uk all about. If ever there was a need for a risk assessment, perhaps this is it. Bearing in mind the average age of our members I am sure that the potential for damaged hearing aids and exacerbation of tinnitus is very real. By the way, once you get through the splash page, the site is much improved - so well done whoever.

Moving on, maybe you saw that Direct Line has recently done a survey of its customers, who said that “the 60mph speed limit on rural roads is too high and should be lowered, according to three in four motorists questioned in a new survey”. The company has called for the rural speed limit to be reduced to 40mph. Yet again we see those in positions of influence attacking the symptom rather than the disease. The vast majority of accidents are attributable to driver error, which suggests that we should be dealing with driver error, and the obvious way of doing this is by training and retesting. But that won’t win any votes so it’s unlikely to happen.

I did catch proposals for some sensible legislation last month concerning manhole covers - or perhaps I am now meant to say personhole covers - whatever. Apparently Brussels is trying to introduce standards to ensure minimum levels of grip; now that would be very welcome.

Finally, I bring you news of an attempt to lowside the author of this column. A leaked email provides incontrovertible evidence of a dastardly attempt at impersonation, passing off and identity theft. The email contained subject matter for this column alleging to be from the Grumpy Old Biker. Without the eternal vigilance of our Editor, this attempt would not have been foiled. I can also report that the culprit was a senior SAM member and that a subsequent threat assessment suggests it is now appropriate to reduce the security level from “really-quite-scary” to “mildly frightening”. You may sleep easily in the knowledge that, while he may only be hanging on by a thread, the Grumpy old Biker lives.

The Grumpy Old Biker.